Lessons Learned

DISCLAIMER: This blogpost is not only going to be super honestly personal, but also very unorganized. I apologize.

As most everyone knows, last month I went through a pretty hard breakup. Without going into detail, the relationship wasn't very honest, and there were old ties that weren't fixed.

I can't complain. My boy gave me the best couple months, constantly spoiling me, making me feel like a million bucks and always being so sweet. He was the boy you read about in chick flicks; texting me good morning, calling me after work, bringing me sunflowers, using names like Darling and Sweetie, and always putting his arm around me, and kissing me on the forehead (perfect right?!).

It was so hard to lose him, but it was for the best.

Here's where the lessons start:

Lesson One: Everything Happens For a Reason

It's as simple as that. Though I hate why some things (like this) happen, I know there is a reason, and everything is for the best, even if it breaks your heart in the process. God never gives you trials you cannot overcome. And He can see the bigger picture. It happened for a reason, not sure why yet, but I know there is one!


Lesson Two: It's ok to Forgive

I had every reason to be completely furious and never talk to him again. In fact, the world would label him as being a terrible jerk who didn't deserve me. But from the second we broke up, I felt just as bad as he did. I felt the same emptiness, sadness, and loneliness he did. (And I cried for 24 hours straight.) It was hard for both of us!

Though I have never felt so much heart ache in my life, I have forgiven him. Whether it's because he didn't know he was doing something wrong, or he just didn't think about consequences, I know deep down, this guy has his heart in the right place, and he is always trying his hardest. How could I not forgive him? It was hard, I admit, but I have moved on. Which leads into Lesson Three...



Lesson Three: It's not Impossible.

This being my first break up, I had no idea what was going to happen. Everyone told me to forget about him, and completely move on. "Make him as jealous as you can" "Go and kiss the first boy you see" "Flirt it up!"  "Forget him, he isn't worth it"

 I tried as hard as I could to ignore him, block him out and remind myself of what he did to me. And (guess what?) I FELT  AWFUL! I was put through misery, and I cried every day. I felt like I didn't deserve this, and I was so angry.

One day I realized I was being totally selfish. Here I was, with a huge support group of friends and family who gave me endless amounts of love, flowers, chocolate, and sad songs, and he had nothing. No one was going to help him through it, because (in all reality) it was his fault we broke up.

I felt a new heartbreak. I felt a heartbreak towards him, and what he must've been going through. Heaven knows he probably felt awful! And I was making the situation worse by being cold towards him.

I guess maybe some people would call it impossible, but I decided I was going to become his friend.

At this point, I had no lovey-dovey connection with him, so I really was able to care for him as a friend. One time I even asked him if he had a lot of support or friends helping him. His response broke my heart(again), "You're my only friend, Hannah."

I talked to my mom because at first I thought, "Well, he did this to me, why should I be his therapist through my own breakup?! You aren't supposed to be friends with your ex, it doesn't work like that."

That's what most of the world says. And I know many people reading this would 100% agree.

But I'm here to prove that wrong.

He needed me now more than ever. He needed to feel love, and he needed to know I didn't hate him (as much as I acted like it). So, I sucked it up, wiped the last of my heartbreak tears from my cheeks, and decided I was no longer going to be his ex, I was going to be his friend.

(*Marc* if you are ever reading this, I hope I am at least somewhat accurate in this!)

It was hard. I had to go from being selfish to selfless towards a boy who broke my heart. What? Even I don't get it.

-Anyways, if you are still even reading this, I applaud you because I am (finally!) about to get to my point-


THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS WHOLE POST:
DESPITE WHATEVER SOMEONE HAS DONE TO YOU, IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE THEIR FRIEND!

(gasps)

Over the past couple weeks, I have built a strong friendship with a boy I "should've forgotten about." I can still talk to him about anything. I can still laugh with him and work on school projects together.

I know for a fact this isn't all my responsibility either. He has been supportive and wonderful and forgiving towards me, even at times when I don't deserve it. He has never stopped treating me with respect. I used to say I scored because I had the best boyfriend in the world, but I realized it wasn't him being mine that made him so great. It was him being him. That is why I loved him, and why he is still my friend.

Part of the reason I am writing this is because since we have become good friends, people have asked me if we are back together, or why I'm his friend or why I am being nice to this kid. The looks I get when I am with him at school or at basketball games are a mix of confused and angry and confused ;) And that's sad that it has to be like that.

It's sad that when you go through a breakup being friends is "impossible." Forgiveness is SO important, and though the past can't change, I can change from it.

 I am incredibly lucky to have this boy as my friend. To me, he is no longer my ex. I know maybe we are the 1 in a billion relationships that actually work out like this, but like I already said, I am lucky.

And guess what, my heart break and misery and loneliness is gone! Why keep feeling cruel towards someone when you could make a friend instead? It's not impossible.

Welp, that's it for my rant. Forgive everyone.

xoxo

Hannah

*names have been changed